Here goes nothing

After a lot of thought and debate I’ve decided to share my secret with this blog. Last night I was thinking about this little place where I have probably share way to much information with the world and it makes me proud. If you’ve been a regular reader you have probably seen posts about my weight issues, depression, anorexia and self mutilation. I’ve never been embarrassed about those things because they are apart of me and so is this. I’m going to back track to almost a year ago so you understand the entire story. Warning, this post will talk about female issues and some may consider TMI.

In March of 2011 I decided to stop my BCP (birth control pills) not because I wanted to get pregnant but because I had been on BCP for 9 years. I started taking BCP when I was 16 for irregular cycles and I thought my body could use a break. We weren’t ready for a family so we used other contraceptives. I had a regular cycle in March, April and May which made me extremely excited because I thought irregular cycles were a thing of the past but I was wrong.

After my May cycle I didn’t have another cycle until August. Luckily I saw my OB/GYN in July for my annual check. She told me if I didn’t start within a month to go back. So when I started my cycle on day 82 4 days prior to my appointment I called to see if she still wanted to see me and she said yes. On August 9th I was diagnosed with Amenorrhoea (lack of menstrual cycles) and Anovulation (lack of ovulation) which meant I would have to take medicine every month to induce a cycle and that when I wanted to try to have kids I would have to take fertility drugs because you have to ovulate to get pregnant (no egg = no baby). They drew a bunch of labs to see if I was having issues with the hormones in my system but everything came back normal. Unfortunately sometimes they don’t know the cause of anovulation.

So I started taking Medroxyprogesterone for 12 days a month to induce a menstrual cycle. If you don’t have menstrual cycles regularly it increases your chances for uterine cancer. So that is why she put me on this medicine. I have to tell you, I really dislike this medicine. I take it for 12 days and it gives me horrible symptoms like nausea, back pain, headaches and mood swings. Then I start my cycle and it continues for another 5 days. Then 1 week after I have my medicine induce cycle I get yet another cycle (which isn’t supposed to happen) so then I skip my next dose thinking “oh, I’m fixed” because some people only have to use this medicine once. I am not one of those people so then I don’t have a cycle for 6 weeks and I start the entire process over again. This has happened every time I have taken this medicine.

Because I kept having the lovely side effect from that medicine I decided to call my doctor 2 weeks ago and see what she wanted me to do. They called me back and told me to get an ultrasound. Last week I had an abdominal and vaginal ultrasound. I was very nervous for the second part of that ultrasound. Every forum I read said it was miserable, very uncomfortable and some women flat out said it was painful. Sounds like fun right. They were wrong. It wasn’t bad at all. I had an amazing ultrasound tech that explained everything. It was not miserable, uncomfortable or painful. I thought it was easier then a pap smear (I warned you I was going to talk about female stuff). 2 days after my ultrasound my doctor’s office called and told me I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) also called Stein-Leventhal Syndrome or Polycystic Ovary Disease.

PCOS occurs in 5%–10% of women. Those who have PCOS 50%-75% of women can get pregnant with the help of fertility treatments.

PCOS signs and symptoms are:
Acne (got it)
Weight gain and trouble losing weight. (got it)
Extra hair on the face and body. Often women get thicker and darker facial hair and more hair on the chest, belly, and back.
Thinning hair on the scalp.
Irregular periods. Often women with PCOS have fewer than nine periods a year. Some women have no periods. Others have very heavy bleeding. (got it)
Fertility problems. Many women who have PCOS have trouble getting pregnant (infertility). (got it)
Depression. (got it)

PCOS also increases your chances of getting ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, breast cancer, heart disease and diabetes.

So there you have it. This is what I have been keeping a secret. My emotions have been all over the place because of it. It is hard to digest when you find out you might not be able to have kids. It kind of made me feel like my body was a failure. Women are supposed to have kids. I know a lot of women deal with infertility and I’m not alone in this fight but it’s a hard diagnosis to learn about your self when you are not even trying to get pregnant. My doctor told me I should consider myself lucky. Most women will try for years before learning they have a fertility issue and that since I caught mine early when I’m ready to have kids I can start treatment right away. But I don’t feel lucky.

I will say I have the most amazing husband out there. He has been my rock in the past few months. He was the only one I could turn too. A few friends know about my diagnosis and when I would talk to them about it they would say something trying to help but it would sometimes make things worse. I told him I was sorry that he might never have his own kids and that I felt like a failure but he told me “I didn’t marry you for kids I married you and we will be parents whether you are able to conceive or whether we adopt”. I am one lucky girl to have him by my side during this time of my life.

So now I’m waiting I’m waiting until the middle of February when I follow up with my doctor to learn what the next step is.